A little pretext for being away for a while

Dont think I have abandoned my blog though I haven't donated any articles for quite a while. In each stage of my life, it appears to be different focus, no matter if it is for life, work, or study, there is always something... this time, for my study.

It's hard to get what you want, yet it's more difficult to give up what you have. Whenever you try to make some decision yourself, people around you might either encourage or pull you back, which in the end throw you into an ambiguous whirlpool. In this case, each decision you make has neither right nor wrong, whereas affecting your future life for long. This is what I have experienced over the last 7 months, hovering between each twist and turn…

By the end of last week, because my boss was away for holiday due to the Christmas when she goes back to Australia to celebrate with her family every year, I had more disposable time to play with, started to think of my future after reading many motivation, success philosophical books and articles, perhaps, perhaps it was the time that God kindly allocated to me for a detailed self-review, as well as seriously asking myself what I should do to make my life a bit different. At that time, I also came across a saying that impressed me dearly, ”Write something worth of reading, do something worth of writing…” we were born to be different, however, 80% of people amazingly had the same life experiences: birth, go to kindergarten, primary school, middle school, high school, university, graduate, find a job, work as a clerk in a big fancy office, start to date, get engaged, get married, give a birth, raise kid(s), grow older, retired, death… it seems to be an ideal curve to summarize an average person’s life. This is also the life my parents want me to follow, simple, peaceful, and happy… I don’t deny they are wrong at this point, some of them really enjoy what they get, and never want to redirect their curve whatsoever. Nevertheless, this curve might not be applicable to me since I have already experienced the turbulence in my first 25 years; my belief is my next 25 years won’t be predictable as what the curve reveals. Life is a bet, but it’s a much milder bet which doesn’t hurt you financially as 40 percent of our time is going to be undoubtedly devoted to your work, your company, and your business. Only 20% of time is for study. Study on the other hand is to help you to make more money. NO LOSS. I’m a big gambler for a start, when I worked out who I should be in my 30s, I walked backwards, calculated what I should do every year to achieve the goal I hold for a long period, it’s really the time for me to go back to university, finish what I am supposed to finish 6 years ago. 2009- the year for a real change.

After I decide to apply for the university in Australia, instead of receiving all the blessing, I was being scolded to be a fool by making such a brutal mistake. Thinking about what you have now, you have got a good job, good boss; you can travel in Australia twice a year. Moreover, your family is with you, you don't need to worry about anything; your life is beamed with happiness and delight. Why should you make such a foolish decision? Another negative version was: Think in a big picture, Joy, Australia has no future, a country riding on the sheep, the total population equals to Shanghai’s, besides, so many Chinese have already dominated the market, less opportunities for new comers like you… some were even more practical:” does your company pay off your tuition fees? Unless the company finances my education, or Harvard or MIT gave me the offer, I wouldn’t give up what I have now. In another word, it’s a silly decision…” facing to an array of criticism, none of the normal person would wonder again if it’s really a rational decision, am I responsible for myself? Then the phrase “What if” started to sneak into the mind, did all kinds of dream damage as it could. Never underestimate these killing phrases, your dream, your faith, and your life might be crashed into ashes by such unnoticeable phrases, which repeatedly occurred in your mind. It’s a hurdle which blocked my way, it’s a tiger which intended to scare you away… being stalling, I used to reconsider many times, as I didn’t want to make any irrational decision that made me ever feel regret in the future. Life is too short to be regretted, too short to be wasted either. Going back to square one, I traced back to the threads of my dreams: I will go to Australia to finish my master degree, I will travel as extensively as I can, I want to meet my people, I want to be an independent marketing consultant, I want to do more things for the needy, I want to live as myself for my beloved Ben. I kept reminding myself of these missions, which was deemed to be completed in one day, like Osho used to say, “ life is a gift, if you change the arrangement, the total amount still remains the same, why don’t I make my life more vivid in this limited time?