Love, Case by Case

It was an interesting day, a little bit overcast; the sky didn't bother sharing single patch of blue. I woke up at 8:00am as usual, starting my morning meditation session so as to ensure the quality of today. My mom said it would drizzle in the afternoon, which didn't make the day terribly impressed. I was invited to be IE for a member in one of the Toastmasters clubs, by doing so; I received a few complaints saying how boring I was on Valentine. They were expecting me to have a nice date, maybe a few, having the most romantic candle dinner with potential Mr. Right(s). I didn't know why they would have such an impression on me as if I was a heart broker, and no one firmly believed that I was still single, not sure about availability. But reality tells. simply I was tired of proving everything, neither falling love with any one. I was flashing back last year and surprisingly the most asked questions were "why aren't you dating?, or that’s impossible…” if my answer was “No”, I would immediately receive a quizzical look, which seemingly implied if I was not in a relationship, there must be something wrong with me… maybe I was benumbed with this uncomfortable stare, normally I chose to shrug away with a smile. it was valentine day, but to be very candid, my mind went completely blank on this type of super duper commercialized day, a day created just for all the outlets to dig in your pocket as deeply as possible. As I was in marketing industry for such a long time, a sincere advice to those irrational male buyers,” gents, mind your wallet”… But if you are a “show-off” type, please neglect what you have read. Extravagance is not a sin, and personally I also wish your love to be sentenced to life imprisonment. But another advice is “money can buy the love for the moment, yet life long. True love is unnecessary to be proved in an extravagant way, if I could choose between 1 day big romance and 364 day little romance, my answer would be latter.

Another friend of mine has buzzed me the day before Valentine, wished me a happy Valentine ’s Day, as well as invited me to celebrate the friendship with her. I acknowledged and accepted this offer as I love the thought provoking proposal, yes, Valentine is not just for lovers, love could be of all kinds: passionate love between lovers, harmonious love in the family, sincere love between friends…

The night, my heart belonged to all my friends.

We exchanged many opinions about her relationship with her ex boyfriend who was full of himself; every end of the relation will leave you something worthy of thinking, I was glad that my friend and I both possessed the attribute of self-criticism, indeed understood every crack of the relation was not derived from one party. We desperately wanted to learn from each heart broken relation for the better future. Nevertheless, I was pondering towards the end of the dialogue, did we really learn something from the relation, or we just get each relation worse which led to be too timid to take the next plunge. Is that the reason why we still kept ourselves single. To wrap up with a bit of laughter after such a philosophical chat with a hint of pessimism, she urged me to take a transsexual operation, thus made us the perfect couple. Again, I shrugged away with smile.

In retrospect, I was shocked to figure out how alike we both are:
1. We both rejected those who used to be so romantic and touched us dearly before.
2. We both had no feeling to those who were trying very hard to impress us by all means
3. We both value more intelligence than materialistic provision
4. We hate those who are only interested in showing off, just shows how immature those men are…
5. We both hate those who are being bossy and controlling.
6. We both don’t care much about the romance, however it could be a plus, but the man who truly knows how to respect and appreciate us, being with us not just for the satisfaction of self-ego.
7. As time goes by, the more we both experience, the more rational we are, which might or might not be a good sign of forming a new relationship.

I don’t know if the above could represent every woman’s voice, but it certainly played up on us, I was drawn myself into another deep thought while I remembered another case happened to one of my classmates. A few days ago, I received her invitation letter for her wedding, I was a bit surprised, not being evil, surely I was exceptionally honored to see both of them tying the knot finally, but as her former classmate, and colleague for a year, I witnessed this couple’s love, which completely revolutionized my view towards love. Should love be rational or irrational?

She was courting that guy approx 3 years ago when we were working together in a study abroad agency, after around half a year later, she told me that she broke up with that guy for long for the sake of his love affair. I 120% stood on her side, and said this kind of SOB didn’t worth her tears. Learn to forget… blah blah blah, all those meaningless clichés were flowing from my mouth without rehearsal to make her feel a little bit better. she decided to forget him…

Another half a year elapsed with no trace, one day she intentionally lowed her voice, with her eyesight almost out of focus, whispered to me, “ Joy, I don’t know how to say this, but XXX has called me again, he said he still loves me and wants to be with me again… I don’t know how to respond…” “Oh no, he doesn’t deserve you, forget about him, now his love affair has dumped him, he comes back to you again!! Ridiculous! Tell him to leave you alone!!...” I was outrageous; seemingly the person who was being dumped was not her but me… “But, I have forgiven him… well, he said he still loves me, and even he was with his gf, he’s still thinking how great I was that time, he couldn’t erase me out of his mind… I don’t know, I…” I was speechless, squeezed extremely hard to get a line from the mouth, “how could you still believe his evil moldy sweet tongue… that’s every man’s trick, how could you allow a heart broker to hurt you again?! Have you forgotten that he’s the person who betrayed you half a year ago… have you forgotten the time you shed the tears…” even my saliva flew every where; she had already made up her mind… Now, the wedding invitation was physically under my eyes with this couple’s photo sticking on the inner page as if they were teasing at me “you are wrong!!!! See how happy we are now!!!” (Making faces). 

Am I really wrong? … I locked my eyebrows hard towards the bridge of my nose, couldn’t help contemplating. I unconsciously took a glance at the table right beside us, saw a couple sitting opposite, remaining silent, who were busy sending sms individually with no facial expression at all… in a sudden, I was enlightened by this plot. Maybe I overestimated the power of marriage. In another word, marriage is not always the symbol of love, being raised up in a relatively traditional family, to me people wouldn’t commit to the marriage if they don’t love each other… but the perception seemed to have been evolving since then. But I was bewildered… guess the answer to all the puzzles is “love should not be generalized, but case by case…”